Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Black People Like Chicken

Really? No white people at all? Couldn't the local news thrown in a few actors to seem less racist?

[Observation Bubble]

Monday, April 27, 2009

An Unfair Advantage

Kyle Maynard is a congenital amputee, meaning he has no arms or legs beyond the joints. He is also an MMA fighter. Yes, this is a "holy shit" moment. I'll even repeat it... Kyle Maynard is a mixed martial arts fighter with no arms or legs. Let's continue... Maynard made his MMA debut this past weekend in Auburn, Alabama. Maynard put up a strong fight as he stuck to the ground game where he is much more experienced, as opposed to going toe to toe with his opponent. He barely escaped defeat after avoiding an arm bar early in the first round. In round 2 he landed a few elbows but was later disqualified after the official found plaster in his gloves. The referee then rolled up a newspaper and smacked him on the nose. In other news, I am probably going to hell.

The fight went all three rounds and Maynard lost to Bryan Fry by decision. Fry simply refused to fight and landed just enough to win the punch count. All joking aside, I respect Kyle and admire his determination but we all knew the ending of this one before it began. There is no way he can continue to do this. It is embarassing to the sport. MMA has fought hard to be considered a legit form of competition and this isn't helping the cause at all. With that being said, Kyle, please don't kick my ass.

Carl Edwards Knows How To Wreck

Yeah dat dare Carl Edwards flipped that ol' 99 car right dare at the end of the race. That boy went up yonder near the toppa this fence here and I reckon no one got injuries. Now we mighta lost a Budweiser or two but I reckon thats a small prize to pay to keep alive ya know. I heared that some nice ol lady down in the front where Hal and Darlene used to sit got hurt by a lugnut but we all made it out all fine and dandy over here. Already lookin ford to the Brickyard. I love my NASCAR, boy, I love it. I really do.

Matthew Stafford Got Paid: Your 2009 NFL Draft Recap

Dollar. Dollar. Bills. Y'all.
6 years, 72 million. 6 years, 72 million. 6 years, 72 million. I thought if I said it over and over it would make sense but it is just ridiculous. I wouldn't pay 72 million dollars for Matthew Stafford if his body was stuffed with 73 million dollars worth of pure Columbian cocaine. How in the hell does a guy that has never played a down in the NFL receive a deal with the most guaranteed money in NFL history? 41.7 million in guaranteed money? If I was Stafford, I would find a nice comfortable spot on the pine during the season and then travel the world with the finest Detroit strippers in my learjet made of diamonds and gummy bears during the offseason. Hey Matt, can you front me some cash until I get my check from Cash4Gold.com?

Al Davis Was Drunk.
"With the 7th pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders select Michael Crab... Umm I think I picked up the wrong envelope. No, this one says Heyward-Bey. Yes. Yes it does. No, I need Michael Crabtree's, it should be towards the top. You mean they actually picked Darrius Heyward-Bey? You are sure? You are positive? F*ck it.... With the 7th pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders select... Darrius Heyward-Bey, wide receiver, Maryland."

"With the 47th pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders select Michael Mitchell... oh come on, Al! Seriously?!"

N-U-T-S! NUTS! NUTS! NUTS!
Mike Tannenbaum and Rex Ryan have balls and they were not playing games in the NFL Draft. The Jets' draft success won't be determined until late in the season but they showed up at Radio City Music Hall throwing punches. First, in a questionable move, New York traded up to make sure they got that Mexican guy to be the face of their franchise. Then, they make a move up in the third round to draft Iowa running back Shonn Greene. That'll light a fire under Thomas Jones' ass.

Knowshown Cracked The Top 15

Mel Kiper Jr. Can Suck It
I don't expect anyone to accurately predict the first round of the NFL Draft, but if you are cashing ESPN checks and taking over my television for two months, you better do a lot better than getting 8 selections correct. I think I can blindly pick 8 of 32 in the WNBA Draft. Screw you Mel. You aren't even qualified to tell me what day it is. Todd McShay hit 6 out of 32 but his spray-on tan was just too hilarious so he gets a pass on this one. Kiper, you know better. You have the best job in sports and you just continue to waste our time. I think next year ESPN should just show two months of Knight School or Playmakers leading up to the draft.