Saturday, January 17, 2009

The Ten Worst Songs Of 2008

Trying to discern the worst songs of 2008 is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with your feet. However, after careful thought, here are the 10 worst songs of 2008.

"Something in Your Mouth" Nickelback
Read that title back to yourself. Out loud. Feel like a dumbass yet? Now imagine being in a conference room at a major, multi-million dollar record label and giving the green light to a song called "Something in Your Mouth". This sounds like a game I had to play at my uncle's barbeque twelve years, five months, and fourteen days ago.

"Burn It to the Ground" Nickelback
I couldn't help but notice that the chords to this song sound suspiciously like the first song on this list, "Something in Your Mouth". It's almost like Nickelback recycles the same sound with varying degrees of ass-like lyrics. That being said, I can't crucify this song too much. The whole premise revolves around drinking a lot and that's something we can all be proud of: Unless you're a member of MADD or something.

"Gotta Be Somebody" Nickelback
I would rather swim in a pool of used medical equipment than to ever hear this song again.

"I'd Come for You" Nickelback
There should be laws against songs like this. And not just laws where the punishment is being put in jail, I'm talking maritime laws where the offender is tied to a mast and flogged to death.

"Next Go Round" Nickelback

"Just to Get High" Nickelback
This little power ballad deals with losing someone you love to drugs. I suppose in a way the song is supposed to warn others of the dangers drugs can cause, which is ironic because after listening to it I'm considering shooting up some weapons-grade heroin. You know, once my mom's finished.

"Never Gonna Be Alone" Nickelback
Leaves a worst taste in my mouth than a date with your sister

"S.E.X." Nickelback
Believe it or not, this song actually deals with the escalating situation in the Gaza Strip. Just kidding, it's about sexual intercourse.

"If Today Was Your Last Day" Nickelback
I really think if given the chance I could talk these guys into stop making such awful music. Then maybe I could I convince the tide to turn back and my dead grandfather and I would sail the seven seas in a boat made of sugar.

"This Afternoon" Nickleback
In listening to this song on Youtube I can’t help noticing some of the comments. There’s really nothing I can add about this song that this brave Internet soul already hasn’t…

Youtube member "Benchen" revised lyrics: You better suck on if im suckin on. Cuz well be suckin each other off till 6 in the mornin. Nothing wrong with dicks up my ass all night long. tough to put my pants on. doesnt matter when youd rather take it in the ass all day long. This is more befitting a nickelback song, seein as their GAY!

It's sad that the lyrical craftsmanship in a Youtube comment eclipses that of the actual band.

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