A few weeks ago, I wrote about the marriage of Candace Parker and Shelden Williams. The post was supposed to be a form of closure between myself and the thought of their elopement. Well, today my worst fear has revealed itself as the couple is back in the news. While browsing WNBA.com (part of my everyday morning routine), I found this article. It's a
giant baby! Candace Parker defied the laws of anatomy and creation and is indeed pregnant. How? We'll never know. Surely, they didn't actually have sex. Maybe they just shared a jockstrap. Who cares. All I know is that pro basketball teams need to start clearing the cap room. "With the first pick in the 2026 Draft...."