Saturday, January 3, 2009

What Can Tebow Not Do?

National Champion as a freshman, Heisman as a sophomore, and now Tim Tebow is the first player in FBS history to play in two bowl games, for two different teams, at two different positions. I want to hate him but I just can't. He does it all.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Ummm We're On The Air

This has nothing to do with sports but I laughed pretty hard when I saw it and I want to share it with the world (all 31 of you). It's Kathy Griffin hosting the CNN New Year's Special. I guess some people in the crowd were giving her hell and she fired back right before the commercial break. Happy 2009. Go Cats.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Charles Barkley Drives Drunk, Likes Blowjobs.

"She did this thing with her tongue..."

Charles Barkley was arrested for being wealthy and not hiring a driver or calling a cab early Wednesday morning in Scottsdale. According to police, Barkley ran a stop sign at approximately 1:30 am. Now, this is where I would normally insert a joke and/or racy comment regarding the story. But this time around the story is just too funny on it's own. It's not that he was arrested but what Sir Charles said to the police. Most people would go with "I had a glass of wine with dinner" or "I just live down the street" but no, not Barkley. Barkley went with... are you ready?... "I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blowjob." Seriously? I know you're loved for telling it like it is but c'mon Charles.

According to the officer who wrote the report, "He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat." The officer continues: "He asked me to admit that she was 'hot.' He asked me, 'You want the truth?' When I told him I did he said, 'I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blowjob. He then explained that she had given him a blowjob one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life."

The report says when Barkley was taken to the station, he told one of the employees, "I'll tattoo my name on your ass" if he helped "get him out of the DUI." According to the report, "He laughed and then quickly corrected himself and said, 'I'll tattoo your name on my ass' and then laughed again." (via TMZ.com)

The Smoking Gun has the entire scan of the three page police report and the sweet mugshot.

The Pro Bowl Is Moving

In his most recent decision en route to taking over the world, the Roger Goodell power trip has moved the Pro Bowl out of Hawaii and back onto the mainland. The game will be played in the Super Bowl host city starting next year. After realizing that moving the location wasn't really that controversial of a change, Goodell decided to move the game up to the week before the Super Bowl. That makes perfect sense. If I worked hard all season and happened to make it to the Super Bowl, I would like to be commended for my individual accomplishments by being invited to a game of recognition and reward that I will not be able to attend. And doesn't the majority of the Pro Bowl roster come from the league's most competitive teams? Ya know, the ones that will be resting that weekend for their final game? I can't wait to see them call in the reserves on a one week notice. Don't book those vacations with Jessica just yet Tony. You might be getting a phone call in late January, right after you miss the playoffs again.

You're Fired!

Romeo Crennel, Eric Mangini, Rod Marinelli, and Mike Shan... What? Mike Shanahan? From Denver? No Shit?... and Mike Shanahan were fired this week. The Browns went six weeks without an offensive touchdown. The Jets started hot and choked down the stretch. The Lions, well, the Lions are the Lions. And Denver, I'm not really sure about that one. Denver has only one playoff win since the Elway days but Mike Shanahan is to the Broncos as Marisa Miller is to my spank bank. Anyone thinking Shanahan to Dallas? Almost everyone is except Jerry Jones. The boss has made it clear that he is sticking with Wade Phillips' man-tits. The Bills? Nope. Dick Jauron somehow managed to keep his job too. It will be interesting to see who ends up where with six head coaching spots open. Let's not forget that "the chin" has thrown his name back into the mix as well.
Sidenote: I'm so proud of that picture.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

How Bout Them Cowboys?

Dallas (or as I say, the Yankees of the NFL) did exactly what we all expected them to do. They went into Philadelphia for the NFC playoff play-in game and bent over backwards for Brian Dawkins and the Eagles' defense. The Eagles didn't even acknowledge the golden courtesy rule of rape (spitting on the hand) before giving it to the 'Boys in a beatdown. I quit watching in the third quarter after Romo's 17th fumble but I believe that the game ended in the 95-3 range. The only positive for Dallas is that Wade Phillips still has a hot daughter. I don't have a lot to report from the game but I would assume that afterwards Jerry Jones fired someone, T.O. said something selfish, and Tony Romo wore a funny hat. Sorry for the lack of news here but I'm running late for the after party at Andy Reid's son's house. Anybody seen my pipe?

You and Me? For My Big Mac?

I decided to take a break from that football game that is on before the "T.O./Tony Romo break-up" press conference to check out this clip of University of Rhode Island's (Go Rams) Jimmy Baron. Baron claims to be undefeated at HORSE. Initially, I called bullshit. Then, I watched this video. Michael, Larry.... that would be H.



My Super Sweet 16!!!

YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! They said it couldn't be done. They said it was impossible. They said, surely a team can't suck that bad. Well today the 2008 Detroit Lions overcame adversity and silenced the naysayers. A team really can suck that bad. Detroit fell to the Green Bay Favretraders today to cap off the NFL's first ever 0-16 season. 0-16. 0 wins. 16 losses. Imperfection. Bless your little hearts. Our thoughts and prayers are with the city of Detroit. You are now officially on the clock...