Monday, December 15, 2008

**UPDATE** MNF Injury Report

In our first up-to-the-minute, news-breaking post, The Report just received two injury updates straight out of ESPN's Bristol headquarters. ESPN's Steve Young and Ron Jaworski WILL dress despite early injury reports. Color commentator Ron Jaworski was upgraded from doubtful to probable after rumors that Jaws would be sidelined due to his raging hardon for the city of Phildelphia, the Eagles, Andy Reid, Donovan McNabb, Brian Westbrook, Desean Jackson, Santa fan, Rocky, cheesesteaks, the Liberty Bell, and Lincoln Financial. However, Jaworski consulted his doctor after the recommended four hours and will be along side Tony Kornheiser and that token black guy for the full game. On the other hand, Steve Young may not be as fortunate. Steve will dress and attempt to stutter and mispronounce names as he has so well in previous weeks but retirement may be on the horizon after suffering his 329th career concussion in Carolina last Monday. Our prayers are with Steve and his family.

Hey Steve, Have This Souvenir Cup! (via Deadspin)

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