This news is from earlier in the week but it took me a few days to finish throwing up over the mental images flashing through my head. Shelden Williams, the first Duke University grad with down syndrome, and Candace Parker, the first two-time Women's National Player of the Year with a nine inch penis, are now officially
huge married. Also, I am officially sterile. But seriously, The Report wishes the couple a lifetime of happiness together. May your bed be molded with steel, your house full of tough-actin' Tinactin, your lavatory equipped with two urinals, and may your children play in a different little league than mine. Congratulations and God bless.